he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
