i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
