Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
