I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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