Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
