Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
