I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
