Umm I'm too high to move.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
