her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
