Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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