I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
