Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
