It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
