I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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