i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
