He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Even my vagina gasped.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
