Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
