happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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