I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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