As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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