i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
