Non-Jews are for practice
Someone shit on the floor
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
