I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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