she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this just has baby written all over it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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