I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
