Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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