The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
