I will die if light touches me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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