Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
