I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
its liver damage thursday
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
