# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
