we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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