I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
