Acid is not a monday night drug
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize