i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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