well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
