I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
