So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
