thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
