Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
