even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
