someone threw a dead crab at me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm at about main and main street
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
