dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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