the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
