She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
