Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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