I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
