Will you blow on my dice?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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