Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
