Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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