Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
