like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
