Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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