We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
