White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
