Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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