I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
