I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
