Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
