i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
