Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
