I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
