found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
