I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
