Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
