you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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