i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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