I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
