let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
