We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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