there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
