Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
