just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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