I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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