Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
